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台湾颜艾琳 澳门发文
[ 编辑:颜建波 | 时间:2020-04-04 08:19:27 | 浏览:1011次 ]
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星期三
2020年03月25日首页

第C04版:鏡海


我的陰謀論


我的陰謀論


心花自美麗,肉身恁凋零,

內外兩雙眼,同時看人間。

女詩人寫的作品叫陰思想,若經過發表並出書了,就成了陰謀的運動。你既知道進入陰謀,還有沒有意願或勇氣跳進去?

我的書寫一樣是千年不壞的主題:人性善惡、大環境裡的小我史觀、各種情感。但因為在青春期對性別定位感到疑惑,於是透過大量且龐雜的閱讀,試圖探討自我的可能與心性的塑造,在唐詩宋詞、佛經、存在主義、三島由紀夫、卡夫卡、紀德、白萩、周夢蝶、鄭愁予、洛夫、羅智成、東西經典小說跟電影、另類與流行音樂、主流跟獨立文學藝術中遊走。

眼觀宇宙,心無偶像。是十六歲就立下的修煉目標。其中延伸到性愛肉身的生機與“小死亡”(little die;英文亦即性高潮)、生死的毀滅與輪迴之道,也接近禪佛體悟。

多情即是無情,住壞成空,美醜悲歡過眼即逝,除非以文字與繪畫或影像使其誕生為作品,否則分分秒秒都是空相虛幻。從事藝文創作必須領悟,眾生即我,我亦庸俗;我們在現實平等,而我在思維中超凡入聖。人生一途非前進即是倒轉回憶。每一秒都是歷史,我遠遠不在你身邊,卻為我們寫史。用我透徹的陰性思維,寫下溫柔也剛強的詩行與文字。

如此雅俗,如此風流。

出生為女,我堅持以純然的雌性思考,無謂父權多麼堅挺的陽具攻堅,覆蓋住所有偷窺好戲的眼光,你們,已在我創作的力量輻射中。

身為女性,一切會不會是虛無的應證?

修佛,倒退三世,不勝男身,此生只求晉男僧⁈

修性,呵呵,那在體內奮力抽送的男根,終要軟化退出,對吾之女陰默默垂首致意。

修心,心肉柔軟,只能在不斷的塑造過程被搓揉成痛症,何曾被強力地鑄成模子?

修法,一切法仍無法度,千法萬法沒辦法便剃去頭髮!

女性,太陰,多渾沌的存在,多虛無的肉身,多沒法子的人生。我感覺燥熱,卻為何又如此荒涼。這雙乳似兩丸炙陽,燒到心裡的沙漠卻開始降溫,慾望如赤道橫跨南北極。

我又冷又熱,又寒又燥,又乾又濕,快樂裡有死亡在萌生,痛中產生另一個自我的誕生。因此,我淚中含着笑的花朵。

我是一朵女陰之蕊。女陰之蕊,嘴角泌出淫蜜、眼中流下血淚、十指的仙人掌種籽猛猛地伸出去伸出去伸出去無數針葉,在紙上的空白處刻下詩句,一橫一豎一葉,每一都是陰的體液所灌養出的思想。

我往內看去,啊,渾沌中還有那麼多地母之土,在我虛無的陰性肉體深處倍增,無限倍增,我竟是自己的宇宙,一個滋生萬物的母親,我竟有一個如此無窮的宇宙,一個將來的死墳與包容一切的黑洞。

我藉由肉身思考而生化成雌性的一切!我道出陰性的篡位,以及她的無能、她們的萬能。我,顏艾琳只是陰思想的產物。

每隔一段年歲,活過的經歷都沉澱為自我哲學。寫作是一種說話方式,每出一本書都成遺言。在寫成墓誌銘之前,可以趣談三個階段的詩觀。

詩觀一:“寫詩像與心中的女神做愛。靈感雖如勃起,但才氣一不小心便會陽痿……”——十七歲

詩觀二:詩集《她方》前言說:“詩以整個世界的狀態,召喚我;並且教育我的眼、耳、鼻、舌、身、觸、意去感知祂的存在,即是我自身的存在。”——三十二歲

詩觀三:“詩人就是用文字流出別人心中之淚的人。”——四十四歲

沒有之四了。我繼續搞陰謀。


顏艾琳


【黑与白】坏人们||颜艾琳:终于还是错过那些未发生的历史

诗天府 2019-07-25



终于还是错过那些未发生的历史


作者:颜艾琳

翻译:奚密(Michelle Yeh)






谜  



谁的宇宙已生成?

谁拥有这神秘的膨胀?

你是谁?

而某人已拥有你?

或是一齣悲剧的谋和?


你说:「我还不知道我是谁?

某人回答:「你已经是我的。

生命是无知而来,

朝未知而去。

谁都知道

其实

你和自己的影子

在跳舞。

2017.4月初稿 5.8二稿6.13三稿 7.9定稿



A Riddle


Whose universe was born?

Who orders this inexplicable expansion?

Who are you?

And you already belong to someone?

Or is this all a tragedy reconciled?


I don’t know who I am yet, you say

But you are mine, someone answers

Life starts from ignorance

And is headed to ignorance

Everyone knows

The fact is

You are partying with

Your own shadow


——Translated by Yanwing Leung


来自诗天府00:46



太极行星


「亲爱的,我从不认為……」


你那水蛭一般的舌头

已经吸食了我的言语、并

进入我深奥的体内,

去挖掘尚未说出的情偈。


我们的外在,是世纪末

颓废鲜明的都会迷彩,

但,肉体的内涵

则退化為原始慾望的火山期。

灵魂是一门形而上的哲学;

而血肉构成的你我

是另一种五行运转的小宇宙。


你不要我思辩下去,

开始在我的血液裡

养殖一窝蚂蚁

唾解我囤积一生的甜言蜜语。

是的,

当亚当初次舔舐夏娃的身体,

一定也明白这个道理;

最激情的行星撞击,

即是一男一女

危险又甜蜜的阴阳互嵌。



The Planets of the Supreme Ultimate


“My dear, I had never thought …”

that leech-like tongue of yours

has already sucked in my words, and

entered the deep recess of my body

to excavate the unspoken gatha of my love.

Our externality is the urban camouflage

of decadence all too plain of the fin-de –siècle,

but the implication of the flesh

has degenerated into a volcanic period of primitive desires.

Soul is a subiect of metaphysics;

but you and I, composed of flesh and blood,

are another kind of microcosm where

the five elements are at work.

You don’t want me to keep on speculating

and nest of ants to dissolve with their saliva

the sweet words and honeyed phrases I stored up in life.

when Adam licked Eve’s body for the first time

surely, too, eh knew the truth;

the most passionate collision of planets

is nothing other than a man and a woman

dangerously and sweetly dovetailed yin with yang.


——Translated by Chu Chiyu-杜国清and Brian Holton


[Translators’ note : The poet evidently refers to the Diagram of the Supreme Ultimate, composed by the philosopher Zhou Dunyi (1017-73), by which Zhou attributed the production of the universe to the working of the five elements, derived the five elements from the alternation of yin and yang, and explained yin and yang as the alternating quiescence and movement of the Supreme Ultimate. See Derk Bodde, trans. A History of the Chinese Philosophy, by Fung Yu-lan, Vol.2 (Princeton University Press, 1953), pp.435 ff.]

Selected from the special issue in “Nüren de hupo: Tai-wan nüxing wenxue yü wenhua” (II) [Women and Lakes: Women’s Literature and Culture in Taiwan]. Chung-wai Wen-hsüeh [Chinese-Foreign Literature Monthly], No. 313, June 1998, pp. 152-54.


太極行星来自诗天府01:27



乡愁刑



像农人插秧一样,

我将故乡种植在舌根上,

藉著语言传播

她绿色的风景、

老旧的红砖瓦厝、

前人祖先的事蹟。


那曾经灌溉过

无数农田的水流,

如今自我心臟的水坝復活,

流动著生命的文字

注入一畦一畦的纸张;

让眾人看见

大肆氾滥的乡愁,

如何冲刷攀附在我身上的

都会鳞片?霓虹顏料?


一吐舌,

泥土的香腥味

捲著玉米、蕃薯、龙眼、芒果

稻米、桂花、文旦、芭乐的气息

再次将自己催眠。


「我们回到了家乡」。

彼时,乡愁尚未打造成

銬绑游子的刑具;

我们在嘉南平原

绿色的牢笼中

快乐地服监。


The Penalty of Homesickness


Like farmers transplanting rice shoots,

I planted my hometown on my tongue,

and use language to publish

its green scenery,

its old house with red bricks and tiles,

and the deeds of its forefathers and ancestors.


The water flow that used to irrigate

countless rice paddies

has now revived in the dam of my heart,

flows with words of life

and pours onto fields of writing paper;

It lets everybody see

how unrestrained homesickness flooding washes away the

remnants clinging to my body

of urban scaliness? Of neon coloration?


Once I stick out my tongue,

the fragrances and rankness of the soil

gather in the exhalations of corn, sweet potato, lingan, mango,

rice, osmanthus flowers, pomelo, and guava

and once again lull me to sleep.


‘We have returned to our hometown.’

At that time, homesickness and not been wrought into

an instrument for torturing the wanderer;

we were on the Chianan Plain,

held in a verdant cage

happily serving a term in jail


——Translated by Chu Chiyu-杜国清and Brian Holton


鄉愁刑来自诗天府01:32


我和那人之间的不可告密



那人之前悄悄地来了,

打开我的身体

偷了最珍贵的密藏,

还厚著脸皮邀我共享一切。


那人有著极大的祕密。

生长著嘴唇

却不言语;

想借我的声带播出,

但我无法测知他的奥义,

只能乾呕出莫名的单字。


那人如此宁静,

明明偷取我的身体,

藉此不断成长著;

啜饮我的血液

窃听我体内的涛音,

但,

他不著一语。

对我不予置评。


那人微小而又将巨大,

不停地巨大,

偷偷换取我的光阴

追赶我离去甚远的童年、

少年、

乃至我的现在。

他不懂谦虚地

快速成长........


那人是二十九年前的我。

而今,我有了那人。

那人其实来自另一个宇宙,

却成为我的一部份;

完全不可告密的

奇蹟。



The Unspeakable Secret between Me and That Man


Early on that man came without a sound

Opened my body

Stole my most precious hidden treasure

Then shamelessly invited me to share it


That man harbored a great secret

Lips growing

That would not speak

He tried to borrow my vocal cord to express

The mystery that I could not fathom

I only coughed out some unintelligible syllables


That man was so calm

He openly pilfered my body

Through which he kept on growing

He drank my blood

Eavesdropped on my ebb and flow

Yet

He spoke no word

Made no comment on me


That man was puny but giant

He got bigger and bigger

Stole away my days and nights

Chased after my long-gone childhood

Adolescence

Even my present

He grew immodestly

And rapidly…


That man is me twenty-nine years ago

Now I own him

He came from another universe

But has become part of me

A wholly unspeakable

Miracle


终于



终于知道

有些人是得不到的

像在半路寄丢的神秘礼物

只留一张错误的挂号通知单


终于知道

他是深深爱你的

但他却像生命中

误存的一大笔财产

你毫不在乎的那些「0」

是他心血的亿万

你随手抛弃的铜板


终于知道

不得理解的某些事

就像康熙字典裡的古字

有其简单的道理

但有人偏偏用了这难懂的符号

使它成为谜题


终于说了不该说的话

真实替代假面;

终于被人知道

长久说谎的那人

比较慈善恭良

比较亲切   是个好人


终于还是这样

错过想写的一首诗

错过城隍庙的籤诗

以致和第二个人认识

和第七个人恋爱

和最后的陌生人结婚

错过和总统的婚外情

错过和超级明星的诽闻

错过和欧兰朵做爱的夜晚

错生一个性别倒错的

三岛.佛洛依德.吴尔芙.达利


终于看见整个人生

遇见了这些人

发生一些事情

而从没遇见的那些人

终于还是错过那些未发生的历史


我该不会是错过

整个原来应该有的

另一种人生吧



At Last



At last I realize

Some people you simply can't have

Like a mysterious gift lost in the mail

Leaving behind a fortuitous registration slip


At last I know

He did love me deeply

But he was a huge fortune deposited by mistake

Those zeros meant nothing to him

Billions of hard-earned dollars

Were thrown away casually like coins


At last I understand

Those incomprehensible events

Are like archaic words in the Kangxi Dictionary

They are simple in principle

But expressed in arcane symbols

Turning into riddles


At last I said something I shouldn't have

Honesty replaces falsehood

At last people discover

The one who has seemed bad

Is a good person

Kinder more modest more loving


At last nothing changes

I missed a poem I meant to write

Missed a divinatory verse at the local shrine

As a result I met the second guy

Fell in love with the seventh guy

And married a total stranger

I missed an affair with the president

A scandal involving a superstar

I missed a night of lovemaking with Orlando

And giving birth to a gender-confused

Mishima, Freud, Woolf, Dali


At last I have seen all of life

Have met these people

Experienced certain things

But having never met those people

I missed the history of that which never happened


Have I missed

A whole other life

That should have been?



安娜琪的房子


Ⅰ.


没有声音的时候,镜子反刍骚动的记忆。

任性的女主人搭配不同体味的情侣

彼此品嚐肉体的生猛快感

那时,因为出狎的情慾

所有的家具都变成野兽,

在黏浊的暗中,以盯著猎物的狩姿窥伺

不断支配或被支配的、

不断满足或遗憾的、

不断温柔或激进的、

安娜琪与她的政治游戏。


Ⅱ.


安娜琪没有声音的时候,

房子对声音就开始消化不良。

不准有朋友或仇人前来按暴躁的门铃

不准大哥大江湖式的召唤

不准B B Call私家侦探的密码跟催

不准电话小女人似的唧唧切切.....

最后房子对安娜琪的心跳声

也没有办法承受了。

天黑之后,房子暂时休克过去,

家具和鲜花一併昏迷。

在黑暗中,瀰漫著

另一种泛政治化的恐惧


Ⅲ.

有声音的时候,安娜琪的生活是热闹的。

午后的咖啡和奶精

演绎著和解的氛围、

雪茄跟凉菸在菸灰缸裡

交换吐纳的肺腑之言、

口红和槟榔汁

烙在盛红酒的杯缘上攀关係;

她的Party如此公开,

却佐以窃窃私语的小菜,

引人开胃,进而

无所不啖权力的主菜。

声音在消失之前

来自四面八方的饕客

都被安娜琪的招待

满足了每一张嘴。


Ⅳ.


房子充满安娜琪的灵魂。

安娜琪多麽双性。

一个人的安娜琪和她(他)自己的安娜琪

妥协了这个孤立的房子。




The House of Anarchy


I.

When there's no sound, mirrors regurgitate tumultuous memories

The willful lady of the house chooses lovers with different body odors

Savoring the raw ferocious pleasure of each other's body

When let out of the cage, desire

Turns all the furniture into wild animals

In the heavy sticky darkness, they peer at their prey

To control or be controlled without end

To be satisfied or to regret without end

To be tender or aggressive without end

Anarchy and her game of politics


II.

When Anarchy is quiet

The house develops indigestion toward sound

It allows no friend or foe to ring the cranky doorbell

No beckoning from mobile phones

No tracking beepers in the code of private detectives

No phone calls like chatty little women…

In the end the house can't even stand

The sound of Anarchy's heart beating

After dark the house passes out in shock

Along with the fainted furniture and fresh flowers

In the dark

A fear of overt politicization permeates


III.

When there is sound, Anarchy's life comes alive

In the afternoon coffee and cream

Illustrate an ambiance of reconciliation

Cigars and menthol cigarettes in the ashtray

Exchange words from the bottom of their hearts

Lipstick and beetle juice network

Leaving imprints on the rim of a glass of red wine

Her party is open to all

Serving hors d'oeuvre of whispers

To whet appetite, followed by

The power-hungry main course

Before the sound disappears

The gluttons coming from all corners

Are satiated

By Anarchy's hospitality


IV.

The house teems with the soul of Anarchy

The androgynous Anarchy

One person's Anarchy and her/his own Anarchy

Find compromise in this lonely house



句点


我出现在梦土上。


梦境不断缩小,

我侷促地来回踱步;

越走越急、越走

越没有版图。


当梦小到成为一个句点

那麽小,

我也消失了。



Period


I appear on the land of dreams

The land begins to shrink

I pace back and forth

The more anxious I get

The smaller the area becomes


When the dream shrinks to a dot

As small as a period

I too disappear



少女的果实



时间在十六岁变慢,

似乎要将少女酝酿成

一种温柔的季节;

让日落更迟缓、

让秒针走得更果断,

少女的眼眸有雾出入,

某种无法透彻的单纯,

由诗人强以诠释。

于是有魔力的蓓蕾,

一次次在少女胸前绽放,

而我们俗称为:

B罩杯。



The Fruit of a Teenage Girl


At the age of sixteen time slows down

As if to allow a teenage girl to mature

Into a season of tenderness

It makes the sun set at an easier pace

Makes the second hand tick more resolutely

Fog drifts in and out of her eyes

An inscrutable innocence

Waits for a poet's interpretation

Then a rosebud with magical power

Blooms on her bosom

In colloquial term

We call it B Cup



瓶中苹果



是谁将苹果

种在我的体内?

每月每月,

它成熟著果实

沉沉落底在子宫中,

而我感觉滞重、晕眩

仿彿有什麽即将发生。


是谁赋予我敏锐的

生理天秤?

那苹果熟致腐烂

化为稠汁,

并且愤怒地、快速地

往下坠落

离开我的身体。


我的天秤,感觉

一个小小的宇宙,

死亡。

然后  恢复无物。


那苹果仅留一籽,

以结实的眼泪型态

悬于我幽密的花瓶,

之中。




Apple in a Vase

(Translated by Chu Chiyu and Brian Holton )


who planted the apple

in my body?

month by month,

ripening with fruit

heavily falling into the depth of my womb,

I feel heavy, dizzy

as if something is going to happen.

who granted me these sharp

scales of physiology?

the apple is ripe, rotting

into thick fluid,

and angrily, speedily

sinking down

leaving my body.

my scales, feeling

this tiny universe,

feel death.

then     nothingness restored.

the apple has only one pip left,

with a solid tear-drop shape

hanging,

in my dark secret vase.




他方



一公里以外的火车站

从未去过的异地

传说盛产婴儿


每次列车经过

他们的哭声

穿过迂迴的巷道

传到我的耳边


有一日,

也许我会过去看看

那些婴儿的父母

疲倦而慈爱的笑容。

然后踏上小小的火车站

到宁静的南方

生产我的婴孩。



Yonder(Ta fang)


The train-station a mile from here

An alien land I've never been to

Well-known for babies, so they say


Every time the train passes by

The babies' crying

Reaches my ears

Through winding lanes


Someday

I think I'll go to look up

The parents of the babies

See their tired but loving smiles

Then step on the tiny platform at the station

Travel to the peaceful south

To give birth to my baby.


作者简介

颜艾琳,台湾台南人,1968年出生,辅仁大学历史系毕。年轻时玩过摇滚乐团、剧场、地下刊物。曾获出版优秀青年奖、创世纪诗刊40周年优选诗作奖、全国优秀诗人奖、吴浊流新诗正奖、中国文艺文学类新诗奖章。著有《骨皮肉》、《黑暗温泉》、《她方》、《微美》、《诗乐翩篇》、《A赢的地味》十几本书;诗作已译成英、法、韩、日文等,被选入各种国语文教材,并被改编为流行歌、民谣、微电影、广告、舞台剧、现代舞、小剧场等。

坏人榜



【黑与白]|梁永利|布客|贾虫|李荼|童七|百定安|闫殿才|李鑫|罗官员|苏仁聪|曹忠胜|拉萨|蓝弧|荆棘草|白丢丢|严小妖|毕俊厚||苏醒|侯文基|丁不三|李文武|赵大爷|鐡包金|后后井|陈衍强|赵小北|吕历|山鸿|吴玉垒|聆听流年|忧子|阿剑|阿玛多吉|王文雪|鹤轩|阿登|刀把五|李栋|胖荣|王小拧|田力|乌鸦丁|向以鲜|谭昌永|李不嫁|辛夷|陳潤生|吴友财||喻言|林水文|马德刚|薄小凉|黄小线|李树侠|离开|梁兄|子尹|而己|蔺正勇|慕白|梅娜|蔡四梅|龙洋|江不离|天晴了|黄药师|呆呆|王海云|天岩|雪野|卜子托塔|琉璃姬|




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